EVANSTON, IL — PETA has filed a lawsuit in Cook County Superior Court against Northwestern University alleging that the school’s beloved “Cat Growl” — the fearsome sound effect blasted at football games for over 70 years — was recorded in 1953 by a rogue zoology professor who squeezed the testicles of a live wildcat “in the name of science.”
According to recently unearthed documents, Dr. Marvin H. Peebles, a professor of zoology described by former colleagues as “brilliant but unnervingly handsy with mammals,” captured the sound in the basement of Swift Hall using what his lab notes call a “manual bilateral stimulus event.”
In layman’s terms: he grabbed a wildcat by the balls. Twice.
The Double Growl Explained
The recording’s distinctive RAWR-RAWR has long puzzled sound engineers — until now.
“It’s not a dramatic echo or just the growl on repeat,” explained one horrified archivist. “It’s literally left nut, right nut.”
PETA’s complaint describes the act as “a gross violation of feline bodily autonomy” and demands the university cease using the recording immediately, replace it with “a loop of gentle purring,” and establish a $10 million “Feline Emotional Support Fund.”
University officials declined to comment but one anonymous staffer admitted, “We always wondered why the sound made every guy in the student section wince in unison.”
A Subliminal Ball-Breaking Tradition
Behavioral researchers consulted by PETA say the growl triggers a deep, subconscious reaction in male listeners.
“Every time it plays, men instinctively flinch and cross their legs,” said Dr. Lenora Stiffington, a behavioral psychologist at the University of Chicago. “It’s Pavlovian trauma — an ancient biological response to one cat’s worst day.”
Campus psychologists have even coined the term ‘The Evanston Clamp’ to describe the collective pelvic tension observed at Ryan Field.
“It’s like mass telepathic empathy,” said Stiffington. “Except with more groaning.”
One senior told Catnip, “I’ve been wearing a protective cup to games since freshman year. I used to think it was paranoia. Now I know it’s heritage.”
Coach Braun Defends the Sound
Head coach David Braun isn’t backing down.
“Look, I don’t know if it’s true,” he said, “but that growl puts fear in our opponents — and maybe a little fear where it counts. Around here, we don’t play scared. We play ball.”
Braun added, “I tell the team every week: that cat gave everything for Northwestern — both of them. The least we can do is win.”
Sources say the coach then slapped the nearest tackling dummy and muttered, “No pain, no gain,” before limping away gingerly.
PETA Pushes for Purring
As part of its lawsuit, PETA has proposed replacing the growl with a recording of “contented feline purring blended with ambient harp tones.” Early tests were… not promising.
“We tried it during practice,” said one equipment manager. “Half the team started stretching, one guy rolled over and fell asleep, and the offensive line began purring back. It got weird fast.”
Students remain divided.
“Enough of this toxic testicular tradition,” said a junior in gender studies. “Let’s move toward softer, more nurturing soundscapes.”
Meanwhile, a group of engineering majors started a counterpetition titled ‘Keep the Balls in the Game’ — currently boasting over 400 signatures and a very unfortunate logo.
The Legacy of Dr. Peebles
Dr. Peebles’ career ended shortly after the incident when the wildcat, reportedly “furious and significantly lighter,” escaped and mauled him halfway to the library. He died years later, leaving behind a single reel of audio tape labeled “Growl — Final Cut (Double Take).”
Campus legend holds that his ghost still haunts Swift Hall, occasionally rattling drawers or meowing faintly when the moon is full. Students have nicknamed him “The Original Ball Handler.”
University Statement
In an official statement released Friday night, Northwestern neither confirmed nor denied the allegations, saying only:
“The Cat Growl remains a treasured part of Wildcat tradition, symbolizing courage, resilience, and the unbreakable spirit of Northwestern — though possibly not of one particular cat.”
PETA remains undeterred, vowing to pursue the case “to the bitter end of the feline reproductive spectrum.” The organization insists the growl represents “decades of institutionalized animal cruelty and testicular negligence.”
Until the courts decide, the sound remains a staple at Northwestern Medicine Stadium at Martin Field — echoing across Evanston, shaking bleachers, and striking terror into the hearts (and loins) of all who hear it. No word yet on whether the allegedly ill-gotten growl will migrate to the new Ryan Stadium next season.
As one marching band member put it, wiping away a tear:
“That sound doesn’t just shake the stands. It shakes manhood itself.”