REVEALED: NU Study Definitively Determines Attention Span of Catnip Readers
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Nobel Laureate Joel Mokyr’s Secret OnlyFans Career Exposed, Economics Community Unsure Whether to Be Shocked or… Impressed
EVANSTON, IL — Fresh off his Nobel Prize win, Northwestern University’s own Joel Mokyr has suddenly found himself the center of a scandal so bizarrely wholesome-turned-provocative that even the most seasoned econ journalists aren’t…
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Marriage Pact Hacked! Medill Prof Has 450 First Dates!
By Catnip Staff — the only newsroom where the interns keep saying “be so for real right now” into Slack EVANSTON, IL — Northwestern students awoke Tuesday morning to terrifying, world-shaking news: the Marriage…
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BREAKING NEWS: PETA Sues Northwestern Over “Cat Growl,” Claims It Was Recorded by Squeezing a Wildcat’s Balls
EVANSTON, IL — PETA has filed a lawsuit in Cook County Superior Court against Northwestern University alleging that the school’s beloved “Cat Growl” — the fearsome sound effect blasted at football games for over…
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Trump Promises to Restore Northwestern’s Federal Research Funding—If Interim President Says “Pretty Please, With a Cherry on Top”
SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA — During a recent press conference with South Korean president Lee Jae Myung, President Donald Trump unexpectedly announced that he would restore Northwestern University’s suspended federal research funding—but only if the interim Northwestern president…
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Stressed-Out Northwestern Junior Mauled at University’s Newest Cat Café After Midterm-Induced Meltdown
EVANSTON, IL — What began as a wholesome stress-relief initiative ended in chaos Tuesday afternoon when Northwestern University junior Emily Davenport was reportedly “lightly mauled” by a pack of overstimulated felines at the school’s newly opened “Purrington’s…
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